Monasterio de Estrategias Creativas

Saturday, 22 April 2006

Musing of a Forlorn Soul...
Mood:

hug me
Topic: Redge's Entries

LIFE AFTER MY GRADUATION

Before, I didn’t believe that life gets really hard when you get to the “Real World”.

Hmm… "Real World"?! What do they mean by that?! Did I just lived my 20 years of life in Fantasy Land wherein all the fairies and godmothers are granting all of my wishes? Why? I can see, hear and feel everything that’s around me ever since my mom brought me out to this (real) world. R-E-A-L W-O-R-L-D - Why did they call it that?

The Preparation

Graduation is nearly coming and I already planned everything that I want to happen after college. Gladly and luckily, without any difficulty, strife or struggle, have I not graduated yet I already had my first job. And not just that, I got in one of the top institutions in the Philippines and one of the most high-paying institutions in the field of teaching - in MIRIAM COLLEGE GRADE SCHOOL.

Everyone, especially my significant other (at that time) was really, really excited for me and my family were all proud of me. They greeted and said CONGRATULATIONS. But I think nobody told me and said GOOD LUCK! Because I think that would be the best thing that I should have heard before because I really got into the job.

School Year 2005-2006

During the first quarter, my mind was actually clueless of what I’m doing. Also with my homeroom class--- oh man! It was a disaster! You can see that I’ve given wrong instructions to the children because when I compare my class to the others, well, we were the only ones who were disorganized and chaotic. My gosh! And when I tried to correct things there are still few kids that forgets and makes the same mistake. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.

Looking back in all the lectures that I had in Child Development and Education these children learn mostly through imitation. So, all the things that the teacher does will be mirrored in the characters of these children. Therefore, when I’m confused the pupils are also confused. And, some of them can really identify that I really don’t know what I was doing… that’s really embarrassing. All I can ask myself that time was… “Am I really a teacher?” Well, I guess I am but I’m teaching them the wrong stuff…. (Ohh…… This is really giving me a headache just remembering all of the mistakes and adjustments that I have gone through.) That adjustment period, the first quarter of the school year, was the toughest of all. It was tough to the extent that I cried because I don’t know what to do and even thought of just quitting my job or just quit of being a teacher.

I felt so lost. I felt that I’m useless. I felt that I didn’t learn anything from my practicum classes all the lectures, etc. I felt that I was a failure.

Posted by ladyerudite at 10:28 PM JST

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Friday, 21 April 2006

...Ever the Same
Mood:

chillin'
Topic: Gerese's Entries

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

...I don't know, for some weird reason, this song brought back some bittersweet memories at a blinding speed, leaving me sort-of teary-eyed as I stare at the computer's blank screen.

Last december... Sorry to use the line, 'it lasted forever, and ended so soon', I could almost picture us three sitting at the hotel van, with me in the middle, Mark was driving and Drew was at my right. we were laughing, joking, then the song came up [the station was even (Magic) 89.9..hehe]. It was sort-of cute that he was slapping his thigh to the drumbeat of the song and all of us just humming to the chorus of the song.

Ever the same.

Though now, I often wonder if thihngs were ever the same at all. He has a new girlfriend now, that he claims (who)is overly sweet [yeah, I also think so... (gags)]. I am left hanging, desperately holding on to the memories I've had last december.

We sometimes do the things we've always used to do; we share a pint of ice cream, laugh and joke at one's craziness, share stories...It's the least the we have and I consider it far greater than having not met him at all...

Posted by ladyerudite at 12:01 AM JST

Updated: Friday, 21 April 2006 1:59 PM JST

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Saturday, 15 April 2006

A Monk's Tale in the Modern World
Mood:

suave
Topic: Diana Jean's Entries

Playing Favorites Part One: The One with the 'Probable Past Life'

Favorite 'Probable Past Life': A Monk under the Friars Minor - hopefully, a follower of St. Anthony of Padua

-----------------------------------------------------

I've always believed in 'Reincarnation', which is why I call myself a 'Progressive Catholic' - because if I'm not one, I shouldn't believe in 'Reincarnation' in the first place!

'Reincarnation', and in turn, having 'Past Lives', would be helpful 'tools of trade' in clarifying and expounding on many of the unexplainable 'phenomena' and 'incidents' in one's earthly existence. Like in my case, my 'bordering-on-obsession-and-fetishism' love for perfectly-sharpened pencils, 'with non-blotting-ink' pens and papers with high rag content; wearing 'hoodies' - or, t-shirts with hoods (I would even look for opportunities to wear my windbreakers and jackets! "Ma, Dad, ang lamig, di ba? Magsusuot na ako nung Eddie Bauer (my military-green windbreaker) ko, ha? Ok..."); and, my adoration and ultimate dream of going to Portugal, and visit Medieval edifices in Lisbon and Coimbra!

So, just by reading and re-reading the aforementioned, what do you think is my all-too-obvious PROBABLE Past Life? (smiles beatifically) Clue? Hmm... Ok, when I say the word “Monastery” – what comes to your mind? (smiles beatifically again) Yes? Ah-huh! Ok... Don’t be scared to guess! (grins broadly) I think I heard it! Say it again, this time louder and with feeling! (claps thunderously) Very, very good! You got it! Yes, you’re correct! I think my PROBABLE Past Life is none other than a: M-O-N-K --> a MONK! Great going there!

Yes, you’ve heard right, folks! It has always been my ‘ever-aroused’ (no pun intended!) SUSPICIONS that I was a MONK in my Past Life... I mean, what more clues and hints do I need, right? I love writing, I love Portugal and I love any clothing article that has a HOOD on it! I love drinking wine from the Iberian region. My goodness, I even love listening to Gregorian Chants! I love the Dark Ages (so much, I had my ‘own’ in High School, LOL!) ‘aka’ the Medieval Era where Chivalry was an everyday ‘Way of Life’ - where handsome and brave Knights gather their strength and courage to help the poor and the oppressed from barbaric conquerors and bewitched individuals, as well as, champion and save the beautiful yet trapped ‘from the highest tower by an evil, fire-breathing’ dragon’ Damsels-in-Distress! I love the castles and the monasteries built at that particular time in History – Strong, Inpenetrable and Timeless, indeed!

Yet, I’m sure I wasn’t the religious, prayerful type most people associate with Monks... I think, I was more of the Intellectual, who was born ahead of his time, and managed to have a sort-of ‘Vision’ in Life: “Why don’t we make copies of these tattered and battered literary works of the Greeks and Romans? With that, it is certain and secured that (the) future generations will be able to know and read these great pieces of Classical Literature!” O, anong say mo? Taray, di ba? Hahahaha...

Well, I remember one of the classes of Ms. Mira, (Yes, she’s the one! The infamous Philosophy professor-cum-owner of the ill-fated sunflower named Samantha) the one she held at the AVR because we were to view a film for one of our innumerable papers for her. The film we watched then was ‘The Name of the Rose’ starring Sean Connery as William of Baskerville, and Christian Slater as Aldo (Hmm... I’m not sure on his name, though...), the one who had that very ‘TITILLATING’ scene, LOL! My goodness, my paper for that film practically and single-handedly saved my grade for that particular subject, I swear! (Kasi ba naman, eh naubos ko ang mga allowed cuts ko dun, napaka-exemplary student ko talaga, no?)

‘The Name of the Rose is actually a mystery set during the Dark Ages inside a Monastery, where several strange and inexplicable deaths have already occurred. But, with Umberto Eco as its author, it also served as a ‘Commentary-in-a-Novel-form’ where it criticized the structure and hierarchy, not to mention the secretiveness and duplicity of the members of the Church! (In short, he’s most probably a Liberal) I loved the film version because it reminded me of the Basil Rathbone-Nigel Bruce ‘Sherlock Holmes-Dr. Watson’ movies they did for Twentieth-Century Fox and Universal Pictures in the late Thirties and the early Forties, and, as expected, because it was set during the Medieval era, which I truly love!

I regale in the fact that it was courtesy of Monks in the past that we readily have the works of Aristotle, Plato, Virgil and Homer… Imagine if they didn’t painstakingly copied and copied all over again those Classical works – I’m totally petrified just merely thinking of it!

I digress… What are we talking about here? Ah… Yes, yes… Thank you!

Earlier today, I watched the biopic of my all-time favorite male saint, that of Saint Anthony of Padua. Yes, I hope against hope that I was the right-hand man of Saint Anthony as he preached the Good News all over Europe (I wish!), and as I watched the movie, I think (Feeling!!!) I saw ‘myself’ – Saint Anthony’s best friend and loyal follower, Giuletto (or, Giuleto, whatever’s right!) – he really made an impact on me because I really saw myself on him – He loved eating and his family (who all died, plunging him to an abysmal period of depression, which in turn, with his brother’s prodding, made him join the Franciscan order), he didn’t mind being the ‘stand-up comic’ just so he can cheer up his desolate and lonely friends, and would rather die than fail to save and protect them – in short, He was the all-too-dependable SIDEKICK! He was the Ron Weasley to Saint Anthony’s Harry Potter, (just like I was the Ron to *my-other-friend-@-SBS* Regina’s Harry) who didn’t mind at all that his friend was truly better than he was, and that he would readily admit that he was of advantage and the recipient of (the) ‘Reflected Glory’ courtesy of his ‘good ol’ buddy’ Saint Anthony!

So, the abovementioned were the reasons and factors that led me to believe in my mind and heart that I was a MONK in my past life – I’m not saying I’m totally sure, but the probability is HIGH! The Medieval Era, the Crusades, the Knights of the Round Table (well, I’m not really into King Arthur and Queen Guinevere – more into King Uther and Queen Igrayne! LOL!), the Incunables, the magnificent castles, the impenetrable fortresses, the isolated monasteries, the (seemingly) primitive weaponry (Pikes? Dirks? Longswords? Quarterstaffs?), the delicate quills and parchment papers, the long, brown robes with attached hoods, the Holy Grail, the Spear of Longinus – I could go on and on! I might never be able to prove any of these, but all I can say is – I BELIEVE! (insert The X-Files theme)

*End of Entry*

Posted by ladyerudite at 10:01 PM JST

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Friday, 14 April 2006

An Entry with No Title (Or, A Title with No Entry) - Take your Pick!
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: Candybar_Dolls + Co.
...Of Candybar Dolls and Writer's Block

<*GERESE*>

<*JINJIN*>

<*OAN*>

<*REDGE*>

Waaaahhhhhhhh!!! I'm supposed to be writing my next entry, but alas, not a word typed - zilch, nada, nil! Maybe I'm just exhausted...

I woke up at 7:30am, prepared the ingredients of my about-to-be-cooked gastronomique delights for a(n)hour or so, then by 9am I was already cooking three viands/meals - fish lumpiang shanghai (made from scratch - except for the wrapper), "summery" bihon guisado (well, I call it "summery" because of the carrots + cabbage - great blending of hues!), and upo guisado with dried bisugo, which is a traditional meal during Good Friday in our family!

Afterwards, I made sure I was able to take a bath before the clock struck 3 in the afternoon, ate a very late lunch, then proceeded to make an inventory of my Mom's health + fitness books (something I promised to do LAST Holy Week, but only managed to accomplish THIS Holy Week!)

Now, here I am! Nursing a certainly nasty attack of "bloco do escritor" (ok, I think I've just translated "writer's block" literally in Portuguese!), unable to update with a full-fledge entry! Sad, so sad...

Posted by ladyerudite at 11:46 PM JST

Updated: Sunday, 16 April 2006 10:31 PM JST

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Demystifying the Matters of the Heart
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: Gerese's Entries

"PARE": A Love Story

I know most of you find it sickening that I still am in love with my dear friend. Yeah, he's not the person he's used to be right from the beginning but I'm just glad he's becoming real right in front of my eyes before its too late.

Is it?

I don't know what's happened that made the change, but I guess there are still things that will never change. Yes, we don't go out the way we've used to, we don't commence the special 'kaing lalake' anymore (or is it that I have graduated from it already?), he doesn't drive me home at all (that's cause my dad picks me up from my 11pm shifts)... those things we've used to do.

But, I guess there'd be one thing that won't change, and I am thankful that I believe WON'T change.

We were FRIENDS (pares, if you'd like to call it)in the first place. And like any friendship, friends have misgivings, tiny flaws that make us human. I find it sweet of him to ask if someone would be picking me up when we have our 3-11pm shift even if he, in the back of his mind knows that my dad would inevitably pick me up. His spontaneous treats (ice cream, etc) never fail to surprise and tickle my heartstrings all the time. Tiny acts of gentleness like opening the door for me or just being at my mercy ('Do this, do that'-- haha) when I told him to push the trolley with me riding it was just plain fun. Whenever I tell him that I miss our sandwich parties, I am just blown away when I find out the next day that he'd be organizing one... just because he says 'Gerese said so.' I LOVE being with him even if I am to face the fact that we might be 'just friends.'

Objections may rise because I am always there for him when he needs me, ready to do his bidding or so, but maybe its simply my fault that I WANT to. I do it becuase I want to. He's my friend in the first place, though it all does not mean that I'd do all what he says. He knows that and I know that too. He knows that I will not always agree with him (I, and only I have the greatest authority to openly object him ;p) but is secure with the fact that I respect him. I know he could be so stubborn and bull-headed at times, being the Scorpio that we are, and I guess that's what makes him so dear to me, my pare.

But, I guess one secret he'd never and will never know is that I like, I love and have fallen so badly for him. We could endlessly tease and torment each other about the endless battle of the sexes (Lalaki kasi... Babae ka kasi...), but never shall he know thatunderneath it all I am subtly screaming it at his face that he's blind and that love is right there literally under his cute nose... So, what if I am a few inches smaller... he once told me that my height suits me just fine. These past few days, I remember a time when we first chatted on-line that maybe the guy I've been looking for is just at work. I pushed the idea away because it hardly struck me, and the image that popped in my mind hardly matched what I wanted to see.

What if he was telling me something in a subtle way?

Are we giving out to each other in codes? Secret languages?

How on earth do you decode LOVE?

Are we sharing the same secret? Or is this a secret everyone else knows but us? Right from the beginning, we've fooled a lot of people thinking it's 'us.' Now, we've kept it low and it all died away. But one thing, one tiny move, gesture, like when I playfully blocked my hand on the glasstop of the computer screen so that he won't see what he was typing led to another game of 'tug-of-war' (tugging my hand away from the screen)had people playfully warn that we might be caught on camera, or when we had matching colors for uniforms led to a tease that we are matching uniforms, its all there, but its not wanting to be there.

I don't know if you'd get what I am saying, but it's just I know him more. I've been with him almost every single day (except for offs--but oh well, he still comes to the hotel sometimes during his off) and he never ceases to amaze me. Day by day, I find out more about him, and on our quieter times, what he's really like. I worry about him when he's confused, I'm sad for him when he opens one sad story, I'm joyous when he's happy and now that he's having a bigger responsibility in stored for him, am so proud of him.

Love is when you'd want to bring out the best in each other.

Love is even if the other person's happiness shall never include you, one still wishes that person all the joy in this world.

Love is not pushing the other to become what he is not, just for one's own selfish intentions.

Love started when we called each other pare.

Posted by ladyerudite at 8:13 AM JST

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Thursday, 13 April 2006

Introspective Horizons
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: Gerese's Entries

The First Entry

~ The saddest way to miss someone is to sit right next to them, and know that they will never be yours. ~

As I saw this at the end of Dj's mail (twice actually), I felt this pang of realization dawn upon me.

A sad, bittersweet pang of realization of a love that will never mean to be.

I absolutely have no idea how Andrew feels about me, but all I know is that I will always be this girl he'd call 'pare', or 'pusang kalyeng marunong tumahol' (because i love contradicting everything he has to say). It all seems that we are the perfect epitome of this boy and girl close friendship (close encounters of the opposite sex friendship, I must say) wherein the people around us think (or inwardly bet) that we are a couple when we ourselves have the slightest clue of that scenario because, well, we are just friends.

Just FRIENDS???

What about Joey and Dawson? Alex and Rosie Dunne? Or the million characters that are placed on the same spot (light) as we are?

What about the first weeks? Why they were a lot more different than what we have now? Did he pull away because it'd be better that we'd just stay friends? Or, is he just avoiding more gossip our small hotel could handle?

I know I could be a good girlfriend... I think. Then, why are guys so afraid of me?

He is having doubts about his new girlfriend. He and his girlfriend at Dubai broke up a long time ago and he said he'd seen it coming already. Somehow, from the very first time, I've felt his relationships won't last. It's not that I'm this evil person wishing love would elude him for life, but there is just this woman's gut feel that things aren't going to go just right. He flirts with others when he has a girlfriend; he gives flowers to that girl (I would have massacred him... Sana he gave it to me instead! Bakero!!!); and now, he's involved in a relationship that started out so fast.

I wish I could just be the answer to his prayers. I know he's still going over a lot of pain from the past, but I wish that he could just go on. I know there is more to him if he'd just see. I pray he won't be blind when he claims to long for that "great love" he always says.

What if that "great love" is simply under his nose, and in the guise of the girl he calls his pare?

I miss him...I miss him a lot. I always look forward to the shifts we have together knowing it all would end so fast; with the wait too long. I know I might sound crazy and you guys will not agree with me because maybe he's just abusing my kindness and using up all my energy, but I know, that in the long run, dude, you will never find another pare like me.

It's okay, but I hope that sleeping handsome would wake up soon.

And no, I won't kiss you.

Allow me; in my typical pare fashion, to throw ice cold water in your face habang humihilik ka...

Peace, dude!

Lesson # 1 - Mind over Matter:

~ Maybe if you would just turn your head away from all the madness, you'll see me standing right beside you all along... all this time ~

Is this all possible? How do you know that it's love, or better yet what you feel is real?

I know I care for him a lot, but will he also feel the same? Is this just a friend thing?

I was so close this afternoon. it's his off and I could have wished he'd drop by the hotel for some bizarre cause (and he did!). He even brought his car to drive the point.

And no, he did not bring his girlfriend (Gerese cheers hooray!!!).

We were joking around as usual, and he was trying to figure what to give the little kid during the baptismal tomorrow:

Gerese: E, di bigyan mo ng Mickey Mouse o Pooh.

Pare (cheekily): Mickey Mouse, eh, black and white lang yon no.

Gerese (brightly): Eh di Garfield!

Pare: Ang laki ng mata eh (with matching hand gestures)

Gerese: Spongebob o Cookie Monster.

Pare: Parang Garfield din yon... Spongebob? eh mukhang basahan yon eh!

Gerese (infuriated): DI KAYA!

Pare coughs.

Pare: Ediba, sponge nga eh.

Gerese: Anong basahan? Sige nga, anong basahan sa English?

Pare smiles.

Gerese: Ediba "RAG"?

Pare: Yan gusto ko sa'yo eh, may British accent ka pa eh.

Haha. See? San ka pa? Anong klaseng teleserye ba 'tong linalaro namin?

I was so close. He was asking Gab if he'd like to hitch with him; and since I haven't changed to my civilian clothes, I didn't have the heart to act cheeky to have him drive me home.

Sometimes, we just have to fight the call of our impulses even if we are being pushed otherwise...

Maybe there is a next time waiting for me.

If I will my mind so hard for it, I guess there will.

The Belgians have landed.

Yup, sila na ang bagong General managers namin sa hotel. And, tawag na sa hotel is 'The New Horizon Edsa Hotel'.

I don't know if its a good thing or not. Funny how we all realize things way too late. That we always take for granted the things that we have at the present, and when it is already gone, we feel that we are at a loss.

Yesterday, nagpadespidida yung outgoing GM namin, si Mr. Tan. He's quite an exceptional man, grabe, idol sa pagaanalyze ng statistics sa hotel. Kung may biglang pagfluctuate sa occupancy; he won't hesitate to ask why. (Kasi last week, nagloko yung system namin so we had to run the 'file maintenance', which only happens sa night audit.) I could only remember it was like yesterday that he was interviewing me, at my second day, i think. Nagkastroke na siya't lahat, pero he still goes to work. There are days na malakas pa siya sa kalabaw, but there are bad days na kailangan pa siyang alayayan ng apo niya to get to the car.

May "surplus" ng food, ice cream, stapegi (spaghetti), bbq. the works. Nakakamiss pala.

Yung mga taga-sales, last day na rin nila. When they said their goodbyes, I did not hesitate to approach them and give them a hug. It's the least I can do, and I know it means a lot. So sad talaga! Pa'no na sa Monday? Just when I feel so at home with them, then it's their time to go na...

Medyo uneasy ako sa bagong management namin. It's quite an honor na they kept all of us sa Front office under the European management, but I feel it's going to be a lot more demanding. Iba pagforeigner ang boss mo, you have to adapt to their culture, which I think is quite scary kasi I've heard na bawal na ata magpaparty pag may birthday. [huuuwaaat? but eating IS a Filipino lifestyle!!!]

And guess what, tatanggalin na ata ang SERVICE CHARGE namin! WWHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT???!!!! Yan na nga ang nagpapataas sa sweldo namin eh! Our basic is so low nga tapos tatanggaling pa ang SC, ano sila, hilo? Maganda kung taasan ang basic namin, then kahit tanggalin pa ang SC, fine.

I'll try to give it a try (redundant). Pero if I see that talagang pathetic ang pay even if I love my job, naku, I'd better look for another na.

So enough of that. Guess what? Maybe if I truly will my mind on something and reeeeealllly concentrate, I'd get it.

Guess we are all a little bit psychic if we'd want to.

I was so truly surprised when Andrew told me early in the morning as he got in that he'd be joining me going home. [heart flutters sky high] He's supposed to go to his friend's daughter christening, and he's the Ninong. Since the venue is just at the vicinity of my route, it's okay. I almost thought he wasn't serious! But alas, he was. So after our shift, we walked under the harsh heat of the sun and rode the bus (wherein he paid the fare) and got down at crossing wherein I paid naman for the jeep. Sa harap kami! We talked and talked, guys!!!! I truly miss hanging out and going out with him... Sigh... At least, for the time being, he made me so happy. He just does not know it, but he does. he really does.

He just texted a few minutes ago; just when I was thinking of him, because he said he'd only stay at the party for a good hour. Maybe at this time, he'd be at Shang, trying to look for a new phone. Thanks, pare for making my day.

Tomorrow's our last day together, and may sandwich party pa kami! Oh I can't wait! Sana lumabas kami gaya ng dati and watch a movie for a change!

One message sent.

Hi all! I'd just want to share this 'text-logue' my pare and I had last night and this morning. Enjoy taking a deeper peek at my personal 'conversations' with my dear pare; soon to be front office team leader of the New Horizon Hotel!

To Andrew: Pare ko, musta? Nbaliw kb s bonding no n kerchof-porkchops? Haha. D pla kta na gudluk knna. Kelangan mu pb nun? He2.
(Sent: 11/04/2006; 6:05 PM)

From Andrew [Reply centre defined]: Sbra pre kakbliw tlga kausap.
(Sent: 11/04/06; 6:59 PM)

To Andrew: Aww, shux :/ sna pinakitaan mu ng galing mu s espanol! oks lng yan, pare, bka mnamliit mu n naman sarili mu e kaya mu nman no.
(Sent: 11/04/06; 6:57 PM)

From Andrew [Reply centre defined]: Ewan pare, ayoko icpn un. Yn nga lang ako lge ang kausapn nun, kya kailngn ko dn 2long nyo. 2lungan na lng tau sa dept.
(Sent: 11/04/06; 7:11 PM)

To Andrew: Yeah, i knw its a big responsbility. Anf ur d chosen 1. O xempre, pre, 2lungan nman tau, gya ng nsimulan nten. oi, bsta wg la2ki ulo mu ah, aq unang aalis pgganun. Haha.
(Sent: 11/04/06; 7:09 PM)

From Andrew [Reply centre defined]: Cympre namn, hnd yn reasn para ikalaki ng ulo ko. Bsta 2lungan tau para iwas prblma, lala n ngan c kerchf na, mkhang mhgpt tlga pare
(Sent: 11/04/06; 7:43 PM)

To Andrew: Yup, feeling qlang nga. Bsta wg mu nlng sobrang dddbin pre, relak lng. Ika2in kta yema. kung may mtira dlhan kta bkas. Relak lng, ur there na
(Sent: 11/04/06; 7:36 PM)

---Message ends that day---
Earlier this morning...

"BEEP!"

-You have 1 message-

From Andrew [Reply centre defined]: Pare gcng na! Dalan m0 ko ng yema almusal k yan hehehe.
(Sent: 12/04/06; 5:45 AM)

To Andrew: Opo, don andres! Kya lng nkain ng kpatd q ung yema..Haha, mgu2m ka! Xemps, snc d kta mtiis, dlhan kta oatmeal cookies. Nkpgta2ka d k nhilik. Haha
(Sent: 12/04/06; 5:53 AM)

Posted by ladyerudite at 9:06 AM JST

Updated: Thursday, 13 April 2006 8:25 PM JST

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Wednesday, 12 April 2006

D'ABORD: ART DE L'AUTO-PORTRAIT ET SOLITUDE
Mood:

spacey
Topic: Diana Jean's Entries

ART DE L'AUTO-PORTRAIT

-- "For a long time it seemed to me that REAL LIFE was about BEGIN, but there was always some OBSTACLE in the way: something had to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then, LIFE would BEGIN. At last, it dawned on me that these OBSTACLES were MY LIFE." -- Bette Howland

Who is Diana Jean Fulgencio Ibay?

For the record, the subject is the twenty-one year-old, degree-holding, rotundly-obese, nearsighted, no-boyfriend-since-birth (proudly so) daughter AND only child of Ms. Yolanda Bauto Fulgencio, who used to be a productive member of the work force, until on that one fateful day in the year 1989 - when she selflessly decided she would rather be with and be available 24/7 for her offspring - unconditionally love and take care of her "pong-pong" personally - even if that meant losing professional prestige and personal free time; and Mr. Danilo Obispo Ibay, the sole, wise, hard-working breadwinner of the three-member, lone NCR-based Ibay family, who happens to be a certified public accountant, and has been with the same company for more or less thirty years now (loyal to a fault).

The aforementioned nearsighted, rotundly-obese, no-boyfriend-since-birth subject happened to be an infamous F (which stands for FAILED - the terror-inducing letter-grade usually written in glaringly red ink) magnet during the "Dark Ages" 'aka' High School; who found her renaissance, her rebirth in College, where she co-founded a "barkada" (sorry, 'clique' just doesn't cover it) with four of her friends (whose initials are the following: R.B. - G.A. - O.L. - Y.S.) called "P.U.R.S.U.E.R.S." (Pretty Urbane Ravishingly Smart Uniquely Eclectic Risk-taking Society), whom she personally named thus, and fickle-mindedly changed the meaning of the anagram several times! (unbelievable!) She took up C.D.E. as a major because 'she loves kids' (her "Ms. Congeniality" answer), but personally thought 'she must find a course without numerous subjects that needed computations, formulas, operations, variables, numbers, in general, which in short, is the terrible world of Mathematics (Algebra, Statistics, etc.) - her waterloo in High School - and, as the saying goes "what goes around, comes around", as selfishness only has karma to contend with, the subject passed her academics with, well, relatively ease, but came her on-the-job-training semester, she nearly flunked it! But, thank goodness, she still managed to graduate, and hey! She passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers! (She is one lucky gal!)

But, the close call during her last semester in College proved to be the last straw that broke the camel's back for the subject - with TEACHING, a noble profession that calls for effectiveness and efficiency, as failure proved not to be an option early on, in handling (with utmost care) and molding the minds and skills of the 'future generation' - out of the question, so what's a then-newly graduate to do? Despair? Become a full-fledged BUM?! No siree, not this particular subject! What she did was this: enroll at her alma mater's Graduate School, and continue on exercising her intellectual faculties!

So, the subject found herself in good company, and studying things she hadn't encountered in her two-decades-old existence! Her first semester at the Graduate School was all about COUNSELING - Tuesdays were for the Basic Principles + Techniques, with esteemed professor Mr. Jay Saplala, and Thursdays were for a specialization - Married Couples + Families in need of Counseling + Therapy - with new faculty member named Mr. Ed Caligner.

Funny, after more than a decade of studying in all-girls schools, the subject realized that she was to have MALE CLASSMATES in the Graduate School! Que barbaridad! The mere thought was enough to plunge her in the abysmal recesses of painful memories - one in particular - that fateful day in first grade at the playground, when a diabetic male classmate of hers punched her straight on her nose, where the bridge had since been in an abnormal L-shape (which can actually be operated upon, but the success rate wasn't high, at that time - hey, c'mon! it was the EARLY nineties! Dr. Vicky Belo was still probably getting her degree or certifications, then!), and one of her nostrils ceased to function, because, as the boy blurted out, "Kasi lagi siyang naka-ngiti, eh!" - diabetics are prone to mood swings, but this was outrageous, pure madness! The entire incident was senseless, groundless and truly traumatic that had left the subject scarred for life! An injustice, indeed - but, she had to move on and just forget about it - well, until at that moment of realization...

Thankfully, though, she only three male classmates for the whole semester - two during Tuesdays, one on Thursdays - The "Tuesday group" (ala That's Entertainment) was comprised of Marco, a seemingly harmless dude who seemed to be carrying the weight of the entire world (ala Atlas) on his shoulders, which somehow made him kind of quirky and queer (he had his moments...), and Keenson, a know-it-all who could've the potential of joining tacky male searches like the one in Eat Bulaga, if only... let's just say he has a "speech problem", and we should just hope and pray he'll be able to solve that particular dilemma of his that could really dampen his prospects and opportunities; and "The Man Who Would Be Thursday" (ala the title of one of Gilbert Keith Chesterton's popular novels) is Topher (the one with a totally gorgeous, green-eyed monster-unleashing significant other), who was the total opposite of his Tuesday counterparts: he's nice, gentlemanly, helpful, supportive + encouraging, and very smart without overdoing it and intimidating others (alright, the description is dripping with bias - get over it!) – is in short, the ideal male classmate!

The subject, to snip parts of unnecessary jabberwocky, survived her first semester, meriting high marks (an A- and B+) in the process; and, before knew it (and settle her wits and braincells for some downtime), it was already the second semester!

Known for being swiped with holidays and other distractions, yet usually the time given to various difficult (alright! challenging) academic course programs, the second semester was a stressful time for the subject - it nearly sucked out the life within her, drained her energy (like when using the laptop outdoors without bringing an extra battery) without batting an eyelash - and, there's always a first time for everything, and for the subject, it was the various requirements of her classes (this time, Developmental Psychology + Psychological and Sociological Foundations of the Family) like the petrifying CASE STUDIES (what's that?!?), and REACTION PAPERS that shouldn't and couldn’t be just a) a reflection paper, b) a seemingly copy-paste mini-essay with summary and/or c) monosyllabic scribbles! Challenges, indeed!

Now it's summer already, with the month of June (enrolment + class-cards day) like a faraway land yet to be disembarked upon, the subject is free to discern and reflect upon her future -- soon, she is expected to join her Dad in their small-scale, family-owned travel agency, and, like when Caesar crossed the Rubicon, it would mean no more turning back, and that the only direction she could take, willingly or otherwise, is FORWARD, and the only way to go is VENI, VIDI, VICI!

Unfortunately, even after that long narrative, the simple query of "WHO THE HELL IS Diana Jean Fulgencio Ibay?!?" still hasn't been answered --

Alright, Diana Jean Fulgencio Ibay is the aforementioned nearsighted, rotundly-obese, twenty-one-year-old, who is a wannabe-writer (with the probability of actually finishing something and getting it published is nil) with modest cooking skills (recent specialties: Kare-kare and Beef Stew); known to be an avid movie buff who has already transcended genres, languages and ratings that usually hinders the viewing pleasure; has nearly and devotedly visited and returned to all branches of Booksale in the National Capital Region, and has since been spending her weekly allowances like there's no tomorrow!

She prefers clean-cut looking older men over younger ones - yes, she has no plans in following Demi Moore's footsteps in hooking-up with a "zygote" (witticism courtesy of Ms. Celine Lopez of The Philippine Star), who might be mistaken for her a) son, b) nephew, c) adoptive charge, or d) pupil - egad!

She considers herself as a 'progressive' Catholic, and one of the few, living, young Conservatives left in this ultra-liberal world of ours; her personal motto + quote is "You can't have your cake, and eat it, too" - shared with her by her Mom, then was used in her College Economics classes, which she utterly enjoyed and worshipped (and, received a 4.5, imagine!), under the watchful eye, sarcastic and flamboyant tutelage of the retired Sir Wilfrido Belen!

Moving on…

*==================================================*

SOLITUDE

Being an only child meant extra-privileges, like having your own room + own bathroom at such a young age!

Having those "privileges" helped me realized one of the things I will soon value: SOLITUDE.

"I live in that SOLITUDE, which is PAINFUL in YOUTH, but DELICIOUS in the years of MATURITY" --- Albert Einstein

Sure, I had to forgo the experiences of playing in the streets with my village friends, (like I had one! Hmph!) instead I found myself staying indoors and playing trivial pursuits that sharpen the mind, rather than strengthen the body.

It has always gotten under my skin when friends and acquaintances in the past (mostly in grade school and high school) act astounded when they "learn" that I don't rebel against the supposed "OVER-PROTECTIVENESS" of my doting parents. Alright, it would be pure hypocrisy if I said I never felt suffocated, bitter or even angry when my parents laid down the rules in our home, but as I got older, which probably lessened my egocentrism, I slowly understood their point of view.

Change is inevitable - for better or for worse – and now, it's quite times have been a-changing. Safety + security have long gone to the pits, and it's should be in all of us to remain vigilant, take precautions and to not tempt fate, and get on its bad side. As I grew up, I finally learned to embrace the seemingly inflexible (though not all the time) views and the incessant worries of my parents, and finally had gotten over my over-the-top self-pity and angst!

So, where is SOLITUDE in all of this, then? In embracing the path "paved" by my parents, I found myself becoming more and more of an introvert and a homebody - and, soon enough, I've realized how much I valued my personal QT (Quality Time). As the Dalai Lama espoused, "Spend some time alone everyday" is the chocolate bar of our sanity - the time we let all our pretensions go and our guard down. We let ourselves breathe in our own skin, taking off the "mask" that had long been suffocating us since we had first put it on.

Solitude enables us to personally reflect upon present concerns, fears, hang-ups and stress-inducers, as well as discern our past actions and goals + decisions for the future, safely react to both personal and public issues that is currently affecting all of us as human beings.

Solitude is probably the only time you can truly be honest with yourself.

=End of Entry=

Posted by ladyerudite at 11:42 PM JST

Updated: Wednesday, 12 April 2006 11:50 PM JST

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